the moon in you

What is a human life?

I have spent quite a bit of time going back to the drawing board.  I have spent quite a bit of time starting over.  In my attempts to be integrated into something and not really being able to I have learned some things.   I have learned quite a bit about starting over.

We are here but for a short time.  I have yet to fully grasp what one is to do or expect in this life.  I have a man's flesh and the water in my body is pulled by the moon's force no less than it pulls on the waters of the vast ocean in all its depth and grandeur.  I have a desire to relate positively to God, to society, and to self but many times fear and loneliness are stronger forces in my short term decisions.  As a child there were times where I wished I was the moon.  I wished to be so far from the people and things that I wasn't good enough for.  I thought that being removed that I would't be hurt by my broken relationship to the people and things around me.  I was a very lonely child.

Today I am a man.   I'm not a child anymore, yet I sometimes still wish I were the moon.

In these moments I wonder, "What is a human life? What is one to do?  How is one to relate to others? Why are my relationships fraught with brokenness?  Why do things not provide comfort?"  In the course of my life and experiences with this existential/relationship pain I have gained something of value.  I have learned to forgive.  When I see that Jesus is able to forgive without batting an eye or bringing shame it gives my heart the courage to seek to do the same.  There is no thing that is greater than the Love of God.

I think that if we can get away from the "He didn't love me. She didn't love me.  Jesus, what are you going to do?" mentality then we may be able see a greater way.  The real question is, "What are we going to do?"  I am a very aware that God has His ways and that we are foolish to not follow those ways, but the personal question that God is asking you is, "What are you going to do when others do not follow His ways?"

I would beg to say that this is the greatest question of being united to God.  The answer to the question is really only relevant to the person being asked.  What will I do when...?  I know what I have done at times and places in the past.  Is there a way where I can be not like I have been.  Recently with a friend I discussed who we are.  It may seem overly simple, but you cannot be what you are not.  You only are what you are.  Though I think it is possible to become not what you have been.  We get the opportunity to view our lives and actions with God and he encourages us to not continue being what we have been, but to become more of who He is and to have the courage to change before men (men do not like to see people change.  it requires great courage to change before men because they insist that you are what you have been.  the temptation would be to feel like a fake and continue being the way people know you to be)

We cannot grow in grace without having first accepted forgiveness for who we are and who we have been.  It takes courage to be honest with one's self and to take the inevitable position of humility that results from this honesty with God, self, and others.

Whatever it's worth,

"¹⁰ Finally, grow powerful in union with the Lord, in union with his mighty strength! ¹¹ Use all the armor and weaponry that God provides, so that you will be able to stand against the deceptive tactics of the Adversary. ¹² For we are not struggling against human beings, but against the rulers, authorities and cosmic powers governing this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realm. ¹³ So take up every piece of war equipment God provides; so that when the evil day comes, you will be able to resist; and when the battle is won, you will still be standing. ¹⁴ Therefore, stand! Have the belt of truth buckled around your waist, put on righteousness for a breastplate, ¹⁵ and wear on your feet the readiness that comes from the Good News of shalom. ¹⁶ Always carry the shield of trust, with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the Evil One. ¹⁷ And take the helmet of deliverance; along with the sword given by the Spirit, that is, the Word of God; ¹⁸ as you pray at all times, with all kinds of prayers and requests, in the Spirit, vigilantly and persistently, for all God’s people. "  

If we have broken relationships it is only for one reason, because the enemy of our love has worked his way into situations and has convinced us on our own levels of ideas that are against God and the things that He has for our lives.  When we are given the grace to realize this it may be to our advantage to "grow powerful in union with the Lord."  I am being constantly reminded of the scripture that says, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower.  The righteous run into it and are saved."  It brings great comfort and tears to my heart because it implies that the righteous are in trouble.  It does not imply that the righteous have been without fault, but rather that those who run to God in times of trouble will be saved.  Many times we need to be saved from our own ways.  If we run into God and take refuge in Him then he can give us the courage to be men and women of understanding with a great capacity to forgive.

Nothing can separate of us from the Love of God.  Not one thing.  

You Are Loved!

I spend the majority of my time not addressing what one should do, but how one should approach answering the question of what one should do.